Friday, February 4, 2011

Grady, Goober and Foreign Dentures

Goober was having dental problems. Seems the last few pearlies he still had were now giving up their grip. Dr. Harrelston had already finished his examination and had been waiting for the deadening to take effect. He now stood over Goober tapping on the teeth to check their sensitivity.

“I think it’s time, Goober,” the dentist said. “Let’s get these out and get you a whole new set.”

“Weft, wid wat wha wou wink,” Goober said. The numbness had fully overwhelmed his mouth and tongue. “Wi wih urd?”

“Shouldn’t,” Dr. Harrelston said. “You sound like you’re pretty numb in there.”


To help with the process, the assistant had given Goober a Valium which was quickly making him too relaxed to care. Within a busy hour, Goober looked up at the dentist with a wide, toothless grin.

Dr. Harrelston fitted the temporary dentures that Goober would wear until the swelling came and left. He would be fitted with his permanent set in a few weeks.

Grady was growing impatient in the waiting room. He had looked through every Field and Stream he could find, some going back to the early 90s. He was now into the Enquirers reading about alien babies coming out of the swamps when Goober staggered out. Goober gave him a wide and teeth-full grin.

“Whoa, now that’s a mouthful,” he said. “Can you talk?”

“Yeahmanebbybaba,” Goober rattled.

“You didn’t give him some foreign teeth, did you Doc?” Grady asked. “I don’t know what he said, but it didn’t sound American.”

On the way home they stopped at the Piggly Wiggly to pick up some stuff Dr. Harrelston had said Goober might need. At the checkout stand Reba Massey was admiring Goober’s teeth.

“You really have some pretty teeth, Goober,” she said. “Guess I never noticed before.”

Goober grinned and said, “Ibidibawayway.”

“Reba, he’s still a little dopey but them ain’t Goober’s teeth,” Grady replied.

“Eww, whose teeth are they?”

“He got them from Doc Harrelston. I think they belonged to some foreigner before Goober got them.”

“Eww, I hope you washed them real good before you put them in your mouth, Goober.”

“Ibeyibeyabbah,” Goober said.

"Better give me some of your high grade toothpaste, Reba," Grady said. "This may be a long night."

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