Thursday, January 27, 2011

Goober and His Messed Up Manliness

The invitation was to “occupant” but Goober felt inclined to accept.

“You don’t even know what goes on in one of those places,” Grady said.

“Well they’ve been advertising it everywhere, so it must be something good,” he answered.

“And so you think that just because they advertise it it’s something you ought to do?”

“Thought I’d give it a try.”

“Well I think this is about the dumbest thing I ever heard of. They’re liable to mess up your manliness in a place like that.”

Since Goober was walking to the truck while all of this was going on, Grady realized there was no longer any need to argue and went back inside the house. Goober drove off.

When he turned into the strip center, the ribbons dangling from the awning out front directed him to the entrance.

“Welcome to Daisy Spa,” said a cheerful young lady. “Won’t you step inside and experience the finest in beauty and relaxation?” The door swung open and the strong odor of highly fragrant chemicals blasted Goober in the face.

“Whew,” he exclaimed. “Ain’t smelled anything like that since Grady and I stripped the old coffee table.”

The lady at the counter asked, “Now how might we make your life more pleasant?”

“Well, I was thinking about having my feet worked on.”

“So a pedicure?”

“A what?”

“A pedicure. You would like a pedicure?”

“Well, the only pets I got are Jack and Cat but they ain’t here, and even if they were they ain’t sick.”

“No, you said your feet. We will do a pedicure.”

“If that means you’re gonna work on my feet, then sure, sign me up.”

The tub of warm water and soft hands rubbing Goober’s feet put him right to sleep. The toe technician couldn’t rouse him so she picked the color herself. A soft pink, subtle yet distinctive.

When Goober finally woke up he looked at his toes and swallowed hard. He darted his eyes around so see if anyone was watching and quickly put his socks and shoes back on. He got up, went to the front counter, paid his money and left.

“Painted your toes!” Grady laughed. “Why on earth did you let them paint your toes?”

“I fell asleep and they just did it. How was I to know a pedicure meant cleaning and painting my toes!”

“What did you do?”

“I left there and went and walked around Home Depot. Took nearly a whole hour till my manhood came back. But all the time I was afraid somebody was gonna come up to me and tell me to take my shoes and socks off.”

“Well let me see them.”

“Uh uh, these socks ain’t never coming off.”

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