Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Grady, Goober and the Visit to Doc Brown

Goober came into the kitchen. Grady was sitting at the table eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. "Man, I'm having trouble going to the bathroom," Goober said.

"Hey, I saw a commercial about that on the TV last night. Said you needed to see your doctor and ask him about some new pill you can take."

"But I don't think..."

"Get in the truck and I'll take you to Doc Brown."

Grady got Goober to the doctor in record time, then they waited through three magazines apiece, a fit by little Joey Lefler, and a special report from FoxNews on the TV in corner. Finally Nurse Jessica called Goober’s name. Grady stayed in the waiting room.

“Well, Goober, let’s get your weight,” she said. Jessica was used to using the editorial we a lot. “We need to step up here on these scales.”

“If you step up there with me I don’t think my weight will be right,” Goober said stepping up to weigh. Nurse Jessica wrote down the number.

“Okay, let’s get you into room three,” she said. Jessica took down the blood pressure cup and wrapped it around Goober’s arm, pumped it up and read the measurement. She stuck a thermometer in his mouth and asked, “Now, what are we here for today?”

“Mumfufimangsmimmimow,” he mumbled.

“Goober don’t talk with the thermometer in your mouth,” she scolded.


“Goober, hush.” She took the thermometer out and recorded its reading. “Okay, Doc Brown will be in here in a minute.” And with that she left the room. Goober waited his minute and many more. Finally Dr. Brown came in.

“Well, Goober, what brings you in today?” he asked.

“Doc, I told Grady I was having trouble going to the bathroom and he said we needed to come in and see you.”

“Number one or number two?”

“Uh, number one.”

“Well, do you wake up at night to go?”

“I sure hope so,” Goober said. “I’d hate to go and not wake up.”

“Well, we need a urinalysis.”

“Uh, the way I see it is I’m having trouble going to the bathroom.”

“I know that, Goober. What are you talking about?”

“You said you needed my analysis so I told you what I figured the problem was.
Like I told you, I’m having trouble going to the bathroom.”

“No, not your analysis. Urinalysis.”

“Doc, I told you, I’m having trouble going to the bathroom.”

“Goober, just go fill up this cup and leave it on the counter in the bathroom.”

“Fill it up with what?”

“Number one!”

“What are you gonna do with that?” Goober asked.

“See what’s wrong with you?”

“I told you what’s wrong. I’m having trouble going to the bathroom.”

“Goober get in there and put some number one in this cup!”

“That ain’t gonna hold it all.”

“Then just finish up in the toilet.”

“Why don’t I just go in the toilet and you just scoop out what you need?”

“Because it don’t work that way,” Doc Brown said.

After a few minutes Dr. Brown came back into Goober’s room. “Goober everything looks fine. I don’t see why you should be having trouble going to the bathroom.”

“It’s the seat, Doc. It won’t stay up. I put it up and it just keeps falling down. I just can’t go when the seat’s not up.”

"Then why on earth did you come in to see me?" Doc asked. Smoke was visible drifting out of his ears.

"Grady, saw this commercial on the TV and said we needed to come," Goober said.

Almost immediately, Goober found himself back out into the waiting room. Grady asked, “Well, did you get your pills?”

“Nah, Doc Brown said they don’t make pills for what’s wrong with us."

"Well, if you ask me, Doc Brown doesn’t watch enough TV commercials,” Grady answered.

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